Friday, June 6, 2008

The Fist-Bump heard Round the World and My Handshake Rant


Obama and his wife, Michelle, chose an unorthodox hand gesture to celebrate his clinching the democratic nomination, the fist-bump.

Unfortunately, their fist-bump brings back memories of my own experiences with handshakes. I’ve always hated doing them. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to express a greeting or a celebratory moment with someone with a hand gesture. My only problem is that there are so many of them and unless both parties do the same handshake, the handshake fails and I must have missed the class where everyone learned how to do them. I’m guessing about half of my handshakes have been unsuccessful. Before middle school the only handshake I knew of was the basic one done with adults, where both parties grasp hands and move them up and down a bit. I could handle that. But then in middle school, my male peers started doing that high five to a fist pound transition. That’s when things got complicated and they only got worse as I entered high school. As soon as I felt like I got the hang of the high-five to fist pound transition, people started mixing in the shake where you grasp hands and then move them around forming different combinations of hand grasps (You probably don’t know the type of handshake I’m talking about, but that’s the best explanation I can give. I’m not entirely sure how it works). And of course those two weren’t complicated enough, so people started mixing them and crap. There’s probably a limitless amount of handshake combinations. Everyone seems to have their own little twist to the handshake. Now whenever someone attempts to do it, I just kind of put my hand out there and let the other person do whatever he wants. That's working out pretty well.


But I digress. Unlike many of my hand gesture attempts, Obama and Michelle’s fist-bump celebrating his clinching the democratic nomination was a success. But Obama’s definitely the only candidate who can pull it off. I think any of the other candidates attempting the fist-bump would probably be as awkward as my grandparents doing it.



9 comments:

Sarah Jane Curtis said...

your weird. But thats what makes you Jacob. Even if you do put your head on a women's body.

Jacob said...

Thanks... I think.

Miss Candy Anderson said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Jacob! I am visiting this everyday. Seriously I was laughing out loud so much my room mates came in to see what I was laughing at. They loved it!

THAT PICTURE OF YOU AND OBAMA THAT YOU EDITED IS HILARIOUS!!!!

You better keep this blog updated, for it makes me laugh.

Kirsten Krason said...

I think McCain could pull off the fist bump easily. He is the Maverick after all.

Jacob said...

Kirsten, McCain is a maverick because he's an independent thinker who doesn't fear doing what he thinks is right regardless of what his party thinks and I think that's great. But he's still a 71 year old Caucasian grandpa. He's got plenty of stuff going for him, but 71 year old Caucasian grandpas cannot be cool enough to pull off the fist-bump.

Miss Candy Anderson said...

Oh this is going to get good... i feel it

John said...

The hand shake to me has always been viewed as a way to share germs with a total stranger.

Anonymous said...

Jacob, everyone knows the fist bump. It's just with both people closing their fists, they hit knuckles. Nothing complicated about it. So if you just go into the handshake with a closed fist they will follow suit. Makes things a lot easier.

Zane said...

oh my brother, sadly we lack the skin tone to ever understand the hand jives. I know how you feel. I cant even get to the handshake stage without feeling aukward. Do i hug, side hug, handshake, wave, slap, spit upon? so many options. I think each day of the week should have a designated greeting. ex. monday is high five day. all violaters have to eat a tube of toothpaste.